Last updated on 11/02/2010
My father and I recently took a driving trip from Virginia to Montana. We agreed to each write some travel tips. I posted his Tips for a Six-Day Road Trip With Your Adult Daughter last week.
This is Part 2, my tips for traveling with your dad, or someone else you care about. We had fun, we relaxed, and we saw so much beautiful scenery.
The best part was just spending time with Dad. Talking, not talking, looking for pronghorn antelope, watching Old Faithful, eating ice cream, and trying
not to eat M&M’s (Well, he just didn’t understand what happens when you put a 3/4 bag of Peanut M&M’s within arms reach of a girl who loves chocolate, but he learned).In-case you’re inclined to think about a road trip, here are some tips to get you started!
- Be intentional. Don’t wait for your calendar to clear before you make plans. That may never happen. I just picked up the phone and said “Dad, I’d like to take a trip, just the two of us … we’ll go wherever you want to go.” That’s how it all began. We worked out the details later. Eventually, the rest of our family wound up flying out and joining us for the second week. That was an amazing gift I hadn’t even expected when we first talked about the trip.
- Decide on the purpose of the trip ahead of time. Our trip was about traveling a great distance in a relatively short period of time. We knew up front we’d drive hard until Mt. Rushmore, and then to Yellowstone, and then to Montana. I knew the trip wasn’t about meditating in the quiet on a mountaintop, so catching a beautiful glimpse of the setting sun as we careened through the canyons was just perfect, and being mesmerized by the fields of wildflowers and rows of corn on the hillsides at top speed was great. We kept driving, and kept seeing things we’d never seen before!
- Be an adult. My parents have already raised me once, though at times they probably question whether they’re finished yet. It was a pleasure to travel with Dad as an adult.
- Eat good food. Eating junk food when I travel makes me feel yuck-o. I froze good food to take, and for the most part ate pretty well. I will say that the cigarette lighter hot-pot didn’t work so well. Trying to juggle hot soups on the highway is a bit tricky. Next time I’ll take a regular hot pot, warm the food in the hotel each morning, and keep it in a thermos until time to eat. (Oop, did I say next time? Aaah, the power of intention!)
- Have a place to rest. Dad made two tiny sawhorses, put a board, and some cushions in the back of the van. I added a blankie and some pillows, and we had a comfy place to rest our backs when we got tired. (Thanks, Dad!)
- Treat each other as equals. Though there were times when I wanted to do things for dad, sometimes helping too much gets things out of balance. I was aware of letting him do things on his own, and it felt good for him to do the same with me. We each carried our own luggage. When I found that mine was too heavy, I decided to just use a small bag to carry what I needed each night into the hotel, instead of my whole backpack. We were very relaxed together, patient and considerate.
- Decide ahead of time how the money will work. When I asked dad if he wanted to take the trip, I made it clear up front that we’d each pay our own way … half of the hotel, sharing gas money, and each our own food. Traveling is very enjoyable when I’m not feeling indebted or guilty.
- Take alot of pictures, but remember that the pictures aren’t the trip. Time with someone you care about is what it’s all about. I did take tons of pictures of the beautiful scenery on the way out, and it would have been really hard to decide which ones to delete. When we got to Yellowstone, I somehow deleted them all. Maybe that was a gift. The pictures are gone, but the memories, and the time with my dad are in my heart and mind. I can hold them closer than any of the photos I would’ve had. I’m a little sad that I lost pictures of me and Dad together, but not so sad about losing pictures of barns and flowers.
- Have quiet, tender time together. We said prayers and read a devotion most mornings. When his neck or wrist was hurting, I tried to ease his pain. Always carry a dose of compassion in your back pocket.
- Last, but certainly not least, if you see a Starbucks, STOP! There’s no telling when you’ll see another one! We only saw one on the whole trip, and I consider myself lucky that Dad actually stopped … it wasn’t even on the schedule!!
If you’re at-all tempted to ask someone you care about to take a trip together, remember that you can work the details out later. Even if you’re nervous, call them, right now, and just say “I’d like for us to go on a trip together, just the two of us.” ~ Let the adventure unfold.
Thanks to my readers for stopping in to read my post today. I’m very glad you’re here. You warm my heart every day with your kind comments.
Thank you Dad, for loving me, and for sharing this trip. I love you, and am proud to be your daughter.
Jane, this trip sounds heavenly. My dad passed away twenty years ago and just looking at the picture of you and yours, makes me wish I had him with me now. I’m such a different person, and he never met my lovely husband or child. But, we did have some great trips, just him and I. And I have my mother. Maybe she’s the one I need to call and say, “let’s take a trip”. If the person drives you batty after too much together time, what then? Maybe, I’ll just imagine a lovely trip with mum and leave it at that. Great story and very heartfelt tips. He’s lucky to have you as a daughter.
Katie recently posted..A Simple Guide to Gathering More Energy
Hi Katie,
I apologize for the delay in replying. The week has gotten away from me.
Thanks so much for writing. I certainly understand that traveling with someone we care about isn’t always possible. Sometimes too much togetherness can make for a stressful time. Maybe, just thinking about what you would do, if circumstances were different, is a nice way to acknowledge such a dream.
I am sorry that you no longer have your dad. You’ve been without him for a long time, and of-course you still miss him. I can imagine that he’s proud of the strong, beautiful person you’ve turned out to be, and glad that you’re happily married with a wonderful daughter. I’m also glad that you did have some wonderful trips with him, and have those memories, always.
In the meantime, you’re taking trips with your own family, camping, and playing, and laughing. Wonderful memories your daughter will have, so that when she’s older, she can say that she loved traveling with you, and her father … and maybe one day you’ll call each other and say “Let’s go on a trip, just the two of us.”
Take good care, Katie
~Jane
I really like the “be an adult” and “treat each other as equals”. These surely makes it look like traveling with a friend.
Although I loved traveling with my mom (and used some of your advice), with my dad it´s more stressful. With him I´m just not in the same mode, he usually does a hundred things on a day and keeps saying “Let´s go, let´s keep going”. I love him anyways, but not on a trip.
Hello Marilia,
I’m just getting around to last Wednesdays comments, even though it’s this Wednesday already! 🙂
I hope you’re well, and happy!
While my parents and I maintain the traditional parent/daughter relationship, I think I’m very fortunate to consider both of my parents friends. If not for that, I might not have been so inclined to ask each of them, at different times, to go on a trip.
Thank goodness it’s perfectly normal to love someone, and not necessarily have a desire to spend travel-time with them. So … all is well.
Take good care, Marilia,
~Jane
“Don’t wait for your calendar to clear before you make plans. That may never happen. ” – uue, that is right on! I can’t count how many times I’ve made that dreadful mistake of waiting until it was a good time – and it never really is.
Thank you for taking us on the road trip with you 🙂
Aileen recently posted..The Legendary John Wooden Series- Intentness
Yes, picking up the phone was what set the plan in motion. As time passed, complications came up, and there were many situations I thought would prevent the trip. Just two weeks before we left I injured my knee. But the trip was planned, and I did intense physical therapy and did my stretches religiously. I made the trip, riding and driving over 3,000 miles, and amazingly, with very little knee pain. We had a date, and we just made it happen.
So, maybe the right time is right now. 🙂
Take good care, Aileen,
~Jane