Last updated on 11/23/2010
Me time.
Solitude.
Loneliness.
Isolation.
Time spent alone can feel like a blessing or it can feel like a curse. While some people enjoy a little ‘me time’ each day, others struggle to deal with loneliness.
Whether you’re new to the discomfort of loneliness, or it has plagued you for most of your life, understand that you can feel better.
Whether you’re physically alone, or whether you’re surrounded by people who are on a different page, consider ways to turn loneliness into constructive self-care.
I can’t offer any professional advice, only my experience. This, I am always happy to share with you. Sharing what I’ve learned on my journey keeps my face toward the sun and my feet pointed in the right direction.
There is often a point at which we make a choice … to sit with our loneliness, or to overcome it. Maybe we’re faced with that choice every day. Maybe you made a choice long ago to sit, and now you believe you’ll never be strong-enough to reverse that choice. There is always hope. There is always one more thing that we can do to help ourselves.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Help someone else ~ Being around others in need is one of the best ways to overcome our own loneliness. In helping someone else, we may begin to see that we have something to offer, we have strengths and gifts that others value and appreciate. Don’t expect a floodgate to open … but be willing to let a little light sneak through the cracks. There are opportunities for adults and for teens.
- Find a support group ~ You don’t need to know anyone. You don’t need to feel like you belong. Most likely each of the people who make up the group felt just as you’re feeling. They made a choice to go, and to help themselves. They may have tried more than one group before they found one that felt ok. Try as many as you need to. Here’s a link to get you started: Mental Health America.
- Use your time constructively ~ Read books, draw pictures, create a journal, or fix nutritious food. Do something with your time that switches isolation into simplicity and constructive self-care.
- Make connections ~ Loneliness can saturate your soul. Take small steps to connect with creation … sit in the sunshine or pick up some pretty rocks and bring them into your home. Connect with the earth. It’s the source of our well-being. See how high you can stack your rocks before gravity pulls them back toward the center of the earth. Giggle when they fall.
- Ask a medical or mental health provider for help ~ Exploring options with a professional partner during difficult times can make a huge difference. It may be difficult to ask, and difficult to trust, but it’s worth a try. You may need to ask more than once, but your well-being is worth it.
While it’s normal for each of us to feel lonely from time to time, a loneliness that hurts, or one that we can’t seem to escape can be dangerous. Please call a doctor or mental health provider for help.
I’m hoping you’re well today, and that you’ll join me on the path to wholeness.
Take good care,
Thank you gunjankarun for the photo.
Hi Jane,
What a timely article! I was just feeling lonely this afternoon and your article set me back on track.
I love all the suggestions you have brought up to manage loneliness. From my personal experience, they have worked for me.
I just wish to add that the most effective way I have found to deal with my loneliness is to create meaning in my life and to live a life with purpose. When I define that purpose for myself, all my time and energy goes towards making that purpose a reality. Thus even when I am alone, I do not feel lonely. Purpose drives me and fills the void so that loneliness has no way to enter or affect me.
According to Viktor Frankl and his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” he believed that people can create purpose in their lives by living for others or by creating a legacy through their work. As unique individuals, our contribution to humankind and the people around us cannot be duplicated. Thus when we find that purpose which lights the flame within us, that light will drive away the darkness of loneliness.
Thanks for sharing!
The Vizier recently posted..Focus on the Solution not the Problem
Thanks for the lovely and insightful thoughts. I, too, believe that creating a life of purpose, and contributing to helping mankind can help us overcome … change loneliness to solitude, time of introspection, time of service.
My heart does still break for those who don’t even know that they have anything to offer, don’t believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel, and loneliness keeps them paralyzed. So … teeny tiny steps down that road, until we come to believe that we have something to offer, even when we feel friendless, even when we spend most of our time alone. We have value, no matter where we are on that journey.
So glad you stopped by, take good care,
~ Jane
Jane Rochelle recently posted..Loneliness: Is Your Glass Half Empty or Half Full
Jane you have a wonderful way of taking about something dark/secretive (like homelessness and loneliness) and giving it a warm compassionate voice which brings it to a place of ‘normal’ or ‘okay’ in world that usually holds these types of things in ‘not normal’ ‘don’t talk about it’ category.
Loniliness is something people don’t like to talk about or admit to and especially as the season grow colder and Holidays are happening it’s all to easy for people to feel lost in their loneliness.
You offer some really great suggestions here such as links where one can volunteer. That’s something that is often easier for someone than just joining a meet-up group because it gives them a sense of purpose and value. You are a true gift to this world! I wish you infinite success to carry you forward in the blogging world and in the offline world
Aileen recently posted..Infuse Your Life With Momentum
Thank you so much, you comment warms my heart, and reminds me to draw from that warmth as I write.
By the grace of God, I’ve never been homeless, but certainly I’ve experienced loneliness, to varying degrees. I’m happiest when I reflect on my own journey, and share what I’ve tried, what worked, and what didn’t.
I’ve found that when I make a change in my mindset, I can feel better … even though the circumstances remain the same. It’s nothing new, but in the midst of a difficult time it can feel like quite a revelation!
Thank you for stopping by, Aileen, I’m so glad to see you,
Take special care,
~ Jane
Jane Rochelle recently posted..Loneliness: Is Your Glass Half Empty or Half Full
Jane, you are a beautiful writer and I believe, a healer at heart. You take hold of our vulnerabilities and ask us to look at them and sit with them and work joyfully with them. I love your spirit.
Katie recently posted..The 7Week Life Cleanse: A Simple Guide to Infusing Your Life with Momentum
Katie,
Thank you so very much. I learn so much about the world, and about myself as I read the kind words left by you and the others. They touch my heart, and feed my desire to share and help people along their way.
I’m finding that it is so true … that we can’t keep what we have, unless we give it away. The more I share the more I grow. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support along the way.
Take good care ~
Jane
I thought that I am the only person in the world that feeling this way and I was totally surprised to learn that I am not alone. I was sad to read about your post about your lonely and I really wish to help other people too because your post really reminds me of me. It is okay to feel lonely sometimes because we are just a human and we really need someone to share our feelings sometimes. They could try to connect to people around them. There are actually a lot of people like us that need each other. Let’s just support each other and be true friends to each other. First step is always difficult but I did it anyway. I hope other lonely people out there will do the same too.