When you worry about expenses or about how unfair life is and doubt what is possible, you become stuck. Life becomes limited. Victimhood limits your vision of what life could be. ~ Tess Marshall of The Bold Life
Aaah, Tess, this post is just for you and your precious Kristy (but everyone else can read, too … please do!)
I’ve had a strange and amazing energy today ~ I worked like crazy at my day job, all the while, itching to get out of my cubicle and LIVE! I sketched a snowman and a horse in the margins of my work, and dreamed about how they’d look in multi-color!
I took pictures of myself at lunch, just because I was happy, and had on my pink vest, and the sun was shining ~ and then, a little later in the afternoon it hit me ~ the expansion was too great, and I thought I’d explode. I typed this email to my friend Susan … who’s an amazing singer, a beautiful creative, and one of my best cheerleaders! I knew she would understand ~
“I feel like I’m going to explode! I’m sitting here in my cubicle, being calm, and getting lots of work done! I want to scream! All I want to do is run, and laugh, and be free!
I’m practicing patience, compassion, peace, love and grooviness … but still, my energy is growing … I feel like I have to run or I’ll spontaneously combust!
How can I keep from singing?This is not a sustainable life. That quilt, the one made of patchworks from all that’s expected, all that I need to fulfill, all that I need to take care of, is mashing me. I want it off of me!I need to run!” …. a few minutes later I added ~
Expanding and the box is just too small!
I think I’m going to need a bigger box!
I wasn’t happy … I was frustrated and a little angry … and then, I knew I had to run.
You see, tonight was my first run since November of 2005, shortly after moving to Raleigh, and shortly before the chronic pain I’ve lived with since 1995 finally sapped the life right out of me.
5 years since my last run, Tess!
Since November of 2005 I’d been in steady and severe decline, and then (in the summer of 2009) I really began to find some answers. I began to uncover some food allergies, and to learn that our FDA approved food isn’t always good for us, and that some of my diagnoses were mis-diagnoses, and that, as my wonderful therapist, Sue, told me many times, emotional pain truly does manifest in the physical body … truly it does!
What a relief! If emotional pain manifests in our physical body … there is HOPE! We stop eating the foods we’re allergic to, we stop taking the medications that we’ve been needlessly prescribed, and we find ways, whatever measures it takes, to heal our emotions, and heal our bodies!
My story is long, and I can’t write it all tonight … (or else I’ll run the risk of spontaneous combustion again, from standing still too long) … but it’s HUGE important!! So many, millions of people are suffering, from the same things. Millions!
I could not wait to run! I set the time for 6:30, which gave me just enough time to get home from work, blaring Natasha Bedingfield, “If You’re Gonna,” all the way … just to be sure I didn’t lose my momentum. As I was driving, all I could say, between belting out the lyrics was “Shi**pickles!”
I ran in the door, really, and put on my new tennis shoes ~ the still-in-the-box tennis shoes I haven’t worn, because I was afraid they would make my neck hurt again, and maybe my knee, and then they’d be worn, and I wouldn’t be able to take them back …… holey moley ~! NO FEAR, Tess!
I put on my pink hoodie, a pink scarf, and gloves … my running pants that are just a little tight, but who gives, right? … and my new sneaks, and I was off! For the fraction of a second when I feared I’d get tired, I thought about Kristy, and you wrote “There were times her stub would be cracked and bleeding. She played anyway,” and I knew I could do it ~ and I didn’t get tired.
I didn’t just run, I danced! I sang out loud with Paul Simon, “Loves Me Like a Rock” … the beat was right, so I played it over and over … and I ran, probably a mile! Can you believe it? I laughed, and sang, and flew like an airplane, and drummed with the drums, and strummed with the guitar, and waved my arms like a bellydancer, and ran zig-zags on the road … I was so very happy! So very free!
I walked home (and skipped a little, too), scanning through the rest of the CD … “Late in the Evening” (fun drummin’), and just as I got back on my street, my favorite … “Senorita With a Necklace of Tears.”
We are born and born again, like the waves of the sea,
that’s the way its always been, that’s the way I like it, that’s how I want it to be
that’s the way its always been, that’s the way I like it, that’s how I want it to be
As I’m finishing up this post, just this moment, I got a reply from Susan, who said ” … and you are like Isadora Duncan“. There are no words to describe how Susan speaks to my soul with these words.
I’ll stop now, before I get sappy. Keep writing, Tess. Keep making a difference in this wonderful, imperfect world.
Oh, and Tess, I think I’m gonna’ need a bigger box!
xoxo Jane
Jane,
I don’t know where to begin. You’ve made more than my day you just validated my reason for blogging…you’ve touched my soul, with bells on!
I’m so happy for you, your joy, your crazy energy and your running. I love your photos at work. Who thinks of doing that?
What creativity you exude!
I love how you describe how you prepare to run and while you run I hear Natasha Bedingfield sing as well. (love that woman)
I’m along side of you as you reveal your new found health and the revelation you’ve experienced. Healing yourself is powerful! Remember that the next time you fear anything.
And then you mention Kristy and that sinks deep into my heart. Thank you!
Keep dancing and running to Paul Simon (love that man)! Keep dreaming and painting and blogging. Welcome into my heart Jane. I hope you stay for a long, long time. I appreciate you. Love me xoxo
I continue to be amazed, and touched, by this community … this keyboard, that allows me to meet such amazing people. Though we’ve never met face to face, it seems I know exactly what your hugs feel like ~ so thanks ~
Thank you, Tess, for everything … I will think of you, and of Kristy, and remember to heal myself, especially, when fear, or frustration, or worry, try to tell me otherwise.
Love,
Jane
Jane Rochelle recently posted..HEY TESS- I&8217M GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOX!
One more thing I forgot to tell you. UPS will be delivering your gigantic box tomorrow;)
Tess The Bold Life recently posted..Kick Your Obstacles to the Curb- Live Your Dream
Yay! A gigantic box, just when I needed it!!
Thanks, can’t wait!
Jane Rochelle recently posted..HEY TESS- I&8217M GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOX!
Jane,
Wow! Your energy is contagious! Your persistence to get up and get going today is truly inspiring. No doubt chronic pain feels like climbing a mountain, but as my mom reminds me “scale it down and keep the faith!” I absolutely feel the energy the run gave you in your words. It was as if I was part of the journey. I am also a fan of Natasha Bedingfield. Music is a great inspiration. I can never get enough of “eye of the tiger” from Rocky or of course, Destiny Child’s “I’m a Survivor!”
You are an amazing woman, Jane, whose box has no limits!!!! Keep rock’in … 1 foot in front of the other! You are an inspiration :)…..
Wow, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Kristy … and you were, and have become, part of my journey. I’m proud of you … your story becomes part of my courage and inspiration.
I did find that between songs, when I waited for “Loves Me Like a Rock” to restart, that I was very aware of my breath, and of my footsteps (which somehow sent the signal that I was getting tired), and it felt good for the music to start again. I loved running to music. Somewhere along the line someone told me to run without music so that I could pay attention to my breathing … ummm, no thanks on that one any more ~
I laughed when you mentioned Rocky, because I was also thinking of him for a moment when I ran … that this was the first time I felt the freedom to run, like he did in the movie … I felt just as invincible and just as strong, with my outstretched arms.
Thanks so much for your kindness and encouragement. I’m planning to ring-up Willie Wonka tomorrow and see if he can create an “Ever-Lasting” box for me … one that I’ll never fill up!
In the meantime, I’ll keep scaling it down, keeping the faith, and telling fear to take a hike.
Love,
Jane
Jane Rochelle recently posted..HEY TESS- I&8217M GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOX!
Jane, this post is awesome–in the TRUE sense of the word! And I can so relate to what you’re saying. In the last few years, fear and stress boxed me into a large body that seemed to have forgotten how to move. And in the last few weeks, I’ve burst free again. I don’t have the ability to run (physically yet–though, trust me–I’m running in my virtual reality!), but I am DANCING! I crank up the music and DANCE through my house, with my dog, Ducky, cavorting around my ankles.
So I’m with you on your grand adventure! Woot, woot!!! 🙂
Ande Waggener recently posted..Find Your Coregreen Interview 2- Andi Sutherland—Making The Most Of Your Accomplishments
Hey Ande ~
I understand bursting free. As I was driving home from work, listening to Natasha and laughing while I said Sh**pickles, I kept thinking, “somehow a switch has flipped ON, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same”. I don’t understand why the switch did its thing, but I know how you’re feeling!
Dance, Ande ~ and sing, and laugh … especially laugh, even if there’s no reason to. Sometimes I feel like I’m spending my life waiting for a reason to laugh. Perhaps the best reason to laugh is that I’m safe, and recovering, and that I have wonderful people like you who ‘get me’.
You’ve probably already read Tess and Kristy’s story, but if not, be sure to click on Tess’s name under her quote. It’s a wonderful post!
Give Ducky a little scratch for me 🙂
Dance and be happy!
Hugs,
Jane
Jane recently posted..HEY TESS- I&8217M GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOX!
Yes, yes! I go out of my way to laugh. 🙂 And I did read Tess’s terrific post about Kristy! Loved it.
And Ducky told me to say woof and thanks for the scratch. 😉
Ande Waggener recently posted..Find Your Coregreen Interview 2- Andi Sutherland—Making The Most Of Your Accomplishments
… hope you’re still laughing 🙂
Jane,
This is marvelous! I feel your energy and enthusiasm! I’m glad you delved into looking for food allergies and stopped taking the “needless” medicines. If we start listening to our bodies they can tell us what they need. Oh joyous day! I feel you’ve broken out of your cage pretty little pink bird.
Angela Artemis recently posted..Change Your Life In 28 Days With Mind Alchemy
Yes, listen, listen, listen ~
Yesterday morning my Saints and Angels card reminded me to manage stress by taking care of myself ~ good food, exercise, saying no when I need to say no, etc. I listened. It stayed with me. I believe it helped me to feel empowered.
I didn’t eat perfectly, but I did make some good choices which made a true difference.
I pray that whenever I’m led to share more about my adventures with food, and emotions, and doctors, I’ll be able to help some other folks get better, too.
I’m so glad you’re part of my journey … thank you for the difference you’re making in my life and in the lives of others.
Hugs to you,
Jane
Jane darling, that click is your soul saying “enough … I’m ready to live, to dance, to be more, to feel well”. Imagine if every day felt like that day. That’s pure joy … the well spring of the soul. I’m so happy for you and wish you many more days just like this one.
Much love, Katie
Katie | Momentum Gathering recently posted..Six Softening Lessons of Hard Core Change
My feet are back on the ground now, Katie … my soul rests, balanced between contentment and anticipation. All is well ~
YAY JANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about divine inspiration and how it can move us into action and freedom. I’m so happy you posted this 🙂 I can see you having such an incredibly inspired day and feel the sheer joy and magnitude. Let this freedom be with you always 🙂
Aileen recently posted..How Inspiration Created A Golden Opportunity
… and I think of you telling me that you had a feeling that good things awaited me this year … so many good things ~
This is so wonderful to read and truly full of life and energy. It is amazing! I can picture you zig sagging down the road loving life and freedom and movement. It is that pure joy that is beyond precious! May you enjoy such moment with frequency!!
… zig-zagging is good stuff!
I had a neck injury over a decade ago, and I do what I can to keep that from flaring up when I exercise. Changing my posture, moving my arms, alternating the way that I move … all ways to interrupt my muscles before they decide it might be time to get really good and comfy, and stay in just one position. Freedom, and goodness! 🙂